Breaking Up is Hard To Do....

I am not a blogger, but if anyone read Matt Smith’s, The Break Up Series…An Introduction, then you know how powerful blogs can be, and in this case, inspired me to put something down. When I read Matt’s blog, I had to reflect because I too have recently gone through a breakup…about 5 minutes ago. Mine, however, was a horse of a different color. I fortunately have never been the breakupee in a situation as Matt and Paul clearly explained (yes I just knocked on wood). Unfortunately, I have been the breakuper…too many times to mention. My situation is a smaller scale of what they suffered, but nonetheless painful and unnerving. I’m a Recruiter, this is the one aspect of my job that quite frankly…sucks. In each position I am looking to fill, I can only hire 1 person, which means that throughout the process I inevitably will have to break up with candidates I have become attached to.

Every time a recruiter has an interview with a potential team member, engagement and building a relationship is vital. Within 30 to 60 minutes you have developed a connection and have usually shared some of your own personal stories to lighten the mood and create a feeling of openness and honesty. It is in essence a first date: it determines if we should go out again, if I should introduce them to my friends, or if he/she could be the “one.”

As you develop your relationship throughout the interview process, it becomes a partnership. You become more knowledgeable of this partner and their skill set, passion and eagerness to make it work, and you begin to introduce them to your friends. You too become eager, excited and hopeful to see them succeed.

Over the years I have formed bonds with my candidates sharing our thoughts of the Millionaire Matchmaker and American Idol. I have learned about oyster cultivation, truffle hunting and crazy crawfish disasters. I have also shared in sorrow at the loss of family members and the celebration of new children or 10th anniversaries spent at our restaurant. These memories have lingered with me, each one making an impact and teaching me. Just as we learn and relate with each person we date, I have learned and related with each person I interviewed.

There are many parts involved in the interview process and too often it has to end with someone being let down. Whether it is due to skill set, interpersonal behavior, experience or salary, it didn’t work out. I have for a long time coined these endings “Break-Ups” because that is exactly what they are and exactly how I feel. Someone is hopeful that this will turn into more and someone knows it must end. An emotional connection has been made on both sides. They want to be a part of our team and I want them there. I don’t want to let this newfound friend go. I like them!

With the increase in layoffs, more of my dates have been recently broken up with by long term company relationships. Although our relationship is more like a one night stand, it happened, and to break up with them all over again, so soon, is dreadful. On occasion, I can let them down easy, “It wasn’t right for both of us. Something better is out there for you,” and then there is the anguished conversation wondering why it didn’t work out and what they could have done better. The worst type of break-up begins…“Yes, I must move on and find someone else, we just didn’t work out” or “It wasn’t you, it was me.” You know on the other end the person is thinking “Don’t say that this is the end.” The conversation ends this time with a different type of tension, not interviewing nerves and anticipation but disappointment and loss.

With the nature of recruiting, breaking up is done too often. You might imagine that having to do this once or even several times a week you would become numb to it, anesthetized. You don’t! And thank goodness for that. I would hate to be heartless, callous and cruel. The role that can be so glamorous and gratifying when a partner does join your team, can also be heart-wrenching and devastating when a partner doesn’t. But as recruiters we must continue and endure, all the while keeping this in mind so each time we do Break-Up, we are gentle, understanding and honest. Because even though I had to break up, I still want them to look back and think of me (and my company) fondly as I will them. It may have been short and sweet, but our time was meaningful.